Carboholism

I ate a couple of pistachios after school to hold me over while I waited until a parent could get off work to come over with her son to do an instrument assessment. It worked quite well because I wasn't the least bit hungry when I got home. I just felt like I should eat because thats what I do when I get home. I actually felt more thirsty than anything. I don't know why I didn't just drink a giant glass of water. Earlier today, I thought about how not tired I was after lunch. I wasn't hungry for lunch yesterday because I snacked on a protein shake and decided to listen to The Primal Blueprint's idea of when to eat. Basically, I was told not to confine the idea of eating at certain times but just simply listen to my body and feed it when its hungry. I can tell the sugars in my system have finally settled because its getting slightly easier to do that.
I remember countless times when I've been at work that I almost regret eating lunch because within an hour, I'd start getting really sleepy. That didn't happen today! I believe its because of a couple of things. I went on an easy pace jog this morning, I haven't eaten sugar-based carbs since Saturday, and the lunch I had was Dak Galbi, minus the perille leaves because I could never find any. I used the recipe from maanchi.com. Its full of veggies and chicken. The only thing unhealthy are the "rice cakes" but I'm not feeling too guilty about it since it obviously doesn't have a carb overload effect on me with all of the other stuff.
When I eat a lot of carbs -especially refined carbs, its like I go on a craze and can't find my way back to a calm pattern of eating and even exercise. When it's really bad, it becomes all I think about when I am not otherwise completely pre-occupied. In fact, I believe that the habit of coming home and eating (even when I'm not hungry) is somehow associated with this association I have to the times I had binged on things like cake, ice cream, chocolate, etc. I almost didn't even want to write those things down because of the power of suggestion behind those words. Like the time I kept seeing that stupid Ben & Jerry's commercial because it seemed to be the only sponsor for the show I was watching on Hulu!
When I was young and naive I didn't understand how someone would be hooked on smoking or on alcohol. I would think, "Why don't they just, stop?"
Now, here I am, realizing I have a similar addiction to carbs. Why don't I just stop? The only way to do that, I guess, is first recognize I have a serious problem. Stop pretending this is normal!
I also wonder if those cravings will ever truly go away. I know they can go way down, but it would be awesome if they were gone completely and I could have a healthy relationship with food permanently.
I think I just have to figure out the threshold. The breaking point. Whatever it is that sends me off the deep end.
Right now, my theories are with combinations. For instance, if I eat tons of sugary foods, typically because of some celebration, for more than one day in a row, I'm in code yellow-red territory. If it is 3 or more, I've gone off the deep end and it may take me some serious concentration to get me back to rational food thoughts again.
Another combination is lack of sleep, which also usually starts the domino effect of no desire to exercise and dehydration. When I don't sleep at normal hours, I forget to replenish my body for all of the unusual amount of moisture it is losing to keep me functioning. Not to mention, the fact that my brain's main source of energy is glucose. Those things combined also spin me into a lack of judgement and an increase of indulgence.
Bill Philips, in his book Body For Life, talks about those things as "unauthorized patterns of action." When I first read it, I didn't really connect to it, but I guess I've habituated them enough now that its finally sunk in. I need to be aware of those patterns of actions so I can try to avoid them. Like they say..the first step is realizing you have a  problem. And, if at all possible, I think its best to avoid the problem.
Sometimes it won't be an option to avoid them. But, most of the time it is. I just have to be consciously aware, right?
He also talked about "authorized" patterns of action. In teaching, I like to call it looking at the positives. The things we say, "Yes!" to. For instance, I can say yes to trying to be in bed close or before 10pm. I can say, I will work out each morning. I will make sure I am staying hydrated. I will make sure I make a balanced use of my time so that I won't get over stressed and emotionally exhausted.
Yesterday morning, I got up early, did my sprint/walks for 1.21 miles and then did P90X Yoga for about 20 minutes. It was a great workout and I believe it is the reason I just had to get to bed early even though my typical Wed night distractions were awaiting me. I will allow myself to play with friends when it isn't too crazy stressful at work. It was the first day and I had too much on my plate to afford not going to bed early. I think you could say there was so much on my plate that I could not afford to have not worked out too. I'm so glad I did!
This morning, I got up and did my 2 mile run. I took it nice a slow. I didn't want to worry about pace at all but more about comfort. I think I stayed well within my heart rate zone until the very end when I started panic running because I got a little lost in my new neighborhood and was therefore running a little late to get ready for work. The run felt so good in that zone, even if it was slower than I would normally accept for myself. But, I think my choice to keep it easy was a good choice for today. I'm very happy about it. On my mapmyrun ap, I did a #tookiteasy but I really could have done a #finishedwithasmile.
Tomorrow is Kenpo X. I know I skipped legs and back this week, but I think the sore hamstrings from the sprints sort of, in a small way, make up for it.
I'm looking forward to the Kenpo X in the morning and then the jeans and t-shirt I get to wear to work! #happyfriday ;-)