Today, I struggled to wake up and get going. I really didn't want to go to church and I felt anxious and uncomfortable. Maybe it was because I knew I had just eaten like a food addict all this past week (my birthday week), or maybe it was because I knew I had a ton of laundry, grocery shopping, homework, and schoolwork to do. I also wanted to fix Megan's car for her so she could get to work this evening. And, I wanted to make sure my car was emptied out (it was clear full of boxes to take to my classroom) in case she needed to use it.
I decided to take advantage of this last day of "freedom" and eat my Oregano's leftovers. As I was doing so, a little voice started telling me that this is my life and has been for a very long time. What makes me think I can change that now? Just because I wrote a blog post and shared it with some people; All the sudden, I'm supposed to have the energy to want to cook healthy meals and completely change who I am?
I felt I should get on the computer and see if the Gen Women's session was uploaded yet on lds.org so I could tell Mom where to go to listen to it. But, I felt like I should make a point to listen to it as well. It had some encouraging stories of women who didn't have the life that they wanted but as they had faith in the Lord and as they chose to fill their hearts with love, they were able to be happy. There were messages of having charity and humility and faith in Him. It was good for me to hear and I think it helped to remind me of the joy I feel when I am faithfully seeking His will and having charity for others.
I felt a surge of motivation to start organizing my life again. I put some laundry away and started a new load. I did the dishes, cleaned up some left over popped balloon pieces from my party yesterday, and then hit the road to take care of those boxes. Hearing the message helped me feel not so overwhelmed, but empowered to take care of these smaller things.
I got home just barely in time to take a 5 min shower and take Megan to church. We walked in just in the time for announcements and we were able to be there for the sacrament. The speakers were, Clint (a recently returned missionary), Katie (a convert of 1 year) and Brandon (another convert). I remember the talk that Clint gave of the atonement. Within it, he quoted an apostle stating the importance of not allowing Satan to make you look back and focus on who you once were. Or, to not look too far forward, but to be in the present. Let the Savior work with you. I felt that this was a message for me not to focus on how many times I've failed, but to move one step at a time into the right direction. One step, one day at a time. And, when I mess up, just put it behind me and keep moving forward.
In Sunday school Jacob Meyer gave a lesson and we spoke of reconciliation to God. It made me also think of this personal struggle I have. Megan made a comment about how Judas was consumed with his guilt in a way that kept him from progressing and learning. (He quit and gave up). However, Peter felt sorrow but wanted to do what he could to make it right so he chose to do better, and rather than ending his life he lived a life of love and ministry.
Sis. Brown (the bishop's wife) gave a lesson in Relief Society from Elder M. Russell Ballard's April 2015 General Priesthood session talk. She gave us these little handouts with questions on it to ask ourselves.
1. Do you search the scriptures regularly?
2. Do you kneel in prayer to talk with your Heavenly Father each morning and each night?
3. Do you fast and donate a fast offering each month -even if you are a poor, struggling student who can't afford to donate much?
4. Do you think deeply about the Savior and His atoning sacrifice for you when you are asked to prepare, bless, pass, or partake of the sacrament?
5. Do you attend your meetings and strive to keep the Sabbath day holy?
6. Are you honest at home, school, church, and work?
7. Are you mentally and spiritually clean? Do you avoid viewing pornography or looking at websites, magazines, movies, or apps, including Tinder and Snapchat photos, that would embarrass you if your parents, Church leaders, or the Savior Himself saw you?
8. Are you careful with your time -avoiding inappropriate technology and social media, including video games, which can dull your spiritual sensitivity?
9. Is there anything in your life you need to change and fix, beginning tonight?
...Each one of these questions made me realize I could do a little bit better to keep myself spiritually clean. Earlier today, I recalled the time I shared with Bishop that my spiritual and physical wellbeing usually go hand in hand. If I am doing well spiritually, I tend to do better at taking care of myself physically, and vice versa. This was a manifestation of how much I've been attacked spiritually lately.
I was also thinking about how grateful I am that I pushed myself to go to church today and open up my heart to these lessons. All of this is helping me realize the truthfulness of the statement, "The Sabbath Day was made for man (and woman) and not (wo)man for the Sabbath." The lessons taught were just what I needed to hear to help me move forward.
I'm on Level "0" but I am able to move up!
Sunday, September 27, 2015
Saturday, September 26, 2015
My 30th Year Plan
Well, another year has come and gone and I still haven't accomplished attaining that "healthy weight" with a perfect bod…alas, I'll have to come up with a better plan, or give up altogether!
Giving Up:
Giving up is when you've stopped trying, accept failure, and then find yourself deciding to work on something else. This is what my a small percentage of my band students do. They pick an instrument, they are so excited and then after about a week or so, they start to question their ability. I slow down the pace for the class and they begin to feel empowered again. I push them to work harder after a couple of weeks and some of them start to freak out. Some will say they want to switch instruments because they think they didn't choose the right one and others will just quit. It always breaks my heart when they use the Q word and quit before they've even had a chance to experience their very first concert. I think, if they just would have stuck it out long enough to feel the reward of the small adrenaline rush before they start their four pieces they play for the audience and the rush of accomplishment and pride that comes after. If only!
Giving up is what I guess I have done this past year. I started P90X and then quit after day 60 because I felt like I wasn't getting the visual results I wanted. I quit trying to eat healthy because this little voice inside me told me it won't make that big of a difference and since I can't control some of the things that I know will make me happy (like finding the man of my dreams who will love me all the days) then the least I can do is grab myself a salted caramel Ben & Jerry's because I know that it gives me that temporary boost I can count on. Depression can be a real rational thinking process killer...
Giving up looks like this: I'm a 30 year old, 65in tall woman and weigh over 200lbs even though I ran a marathon just last week! Looks like I got the exercise part figured out (I do love that adrenaline rush before a race and at the finish line), but I gave up on the food stuff.
So how about I make a better plan…
Better Plan:
Now, this one is tough because I feel like I've tried so many things already! Tons, really. I truly believe that everyone is going to have something inside of them that works better for them then someone else. It really is different for everyone. I'm still finding my something. I'm going to try to use plans in the past that have worked for me, but come up with a plan that will hopefully help me stay focused on my goal and not feeling like I'm done before I'm done.
I've been doing lots of reading and studying for as long as I can remember learning how to read books that didn't have pictures in them. In my first read, I learned the importance of complex carbs, avoiding sugar, and avoiding starvation. In another, I learned the importance of lean protein and muscle growth. Later, I discovered the value of balancing carbs and protein together in portioned meals spread throughout. I later learned some contradicting ideas. Tried those ideas out and still don't buy into them so much. Intermittent fasting might be for some, but doesn't work well as a sustainable plan for me. I later learned the value of calorie counting. I lost the most when I implemented MyFitnessPal! And, of course, there is the Paleo plan. This seemed like a terrible idea when I first heard about it. But, I learned while reading "It Starts With Food"that paleo is actually pretty plant based. In fact, if I wanted to go paleo and eat meat sparingly, I could easily do that because there are plenty of plants that have protein and healthy fats that will help sustain me.
I've learned, over the years a little more about myself every time I've taken out these plans for a spin. It's like dating different men. You learn about them, but more importantly, you discover more about yourself what you are really looking for.
I don't know everything but I know I am looking for a plan that empowers me. I am looking for a diet that will not starve me, will feed all the inter working parts of my body but will also feed my soul. Whole30 was against "super stimulating foods" but the problem is, I'm already a food addict so if I don't get my replacement kicks somewhere, I might fall back on my salted caramel B&J's for comfort again. So, yes, its got to be tasty, wholesome, and its got to make me feel satisfied.
Ahh satisfaction…Satisfaction is what I really want. I want to be satisfied with my whole body, mind, and spirit working together as a balanced team.
So, here's the next plan. I am going to do Paleo eating for this 30th year of my life. Am I allowed to go off of it? Yes, but only for special events or days. Going on a cruise would be an example of that. Its a Friday night and my friends want to go out, is not one of those. Birthdays/weddings of very close friends or family, Holidays (not the whole month, just the week of), and Cultural Food night. I was thinking to allow myself one meal or treat per week to help me not feel stressed or restricted. What do you think? Is that too lenient?
Here is my weight goal. I want to weigh 145lbs by my birthday next year. Sooner would be better. So, I was thinking if I stay focused on the weight losing part (which has its own rewards over food) then I may not even want to go off the plan anyway.
Now, I have tried listing all of the reasons to lose weight and reaffirm to myself all of these wonderful things that will come if I accomplish these goals, but that just hasn't worked efficiently. I think part of it is my confidence gets swallowed up when I see that I'm not anywhere close to reaching that goal.
So, I'm going to come up with some extrinsic rewards to just help me stay pumped or excited. I actually got the idea from recorder karate, which I've discovered is a way that helps the students get super pumped about practicing their recorder. They practice songs and at a certain deadline, if they pass the song they get a little belt on their recorder that tells them and the rest of the world around them that they have passed that level!
I'm going to try a level system to get myself pumped for my goals. And, I'm hoping if I get to somehow share with some people around me what level I'm on, it will get me even more excited to share when I've passed on to the next level.
So, here's what I've come up with so far…
The Levels of Weightloss:
Level 1: Reached 190lbs
-You can buy yourself some jewelry (maybe that nice, pretty watch you've been thinking about)
Level II: Reached 180lbs
-Get yourself a pedicure; something bright and draws attention. You've earned that flashy attention!
Level III: Reached 175lbs
-Get a manicure and a pedicure
Level IV: Reached 170lbs
-Buy yourself a new dress or 2!
Level V: Reached 165lbs
-You've earned a new pair of shoes. Perhaps some good trail running shoes!
Level VI: Reached 160lbs
-Set up that vacation in Sedona for a night or 2!
Level VII: Reached 155lbs
-Get your hair treated and styled and buy 3 new dresses/outfits
Level VIII: Reached 150lbs
-You're doing awesome! Get a new swimsuit or 2, and take a spa day (massage)
Level IX Reached 149lbs
-You're super close! Start looking at trips. Buy a new swimsuit. Sign up for that Disney half marathon!
Level X: Reached 145lbs
-Book your trip to Hawaii!!!
So, what do you think? Leave a comment if you have ideas!
Giving Up:
Giving up is when you've stopped trying, accept failure, and then find yourself deciding to work on something else. This is what my a small percentage of my band students do. They pick an instrument, they are so excited and then after about a week or so, they start to question their ability. I slow down the pace for the class and they begin to feel empowered again. I push them to work harder after a couple of weeks and some of them start to freak out. Some will say they want to switch instruments because they think they didn't choose the right one and others will just quit. It always breaks my heart when they use the Q word and quit before they've even had a chance to experience their very first concert. I think, if they just would have stuck it out long enough to feel the reward of the small adrenaline rush before they start their four pieces they play for the audience and the rush of accomplishment and pride that comes after. If only!
Giving up is what I guess I have done this past year. I started P90X and then quit after day 60 because I felt like I wasn't getting the visual results I wanted. I quit trying to eat healthy because this little voice inside me told me it won't make that big of a difference and since I can't control some of the things that I know will make me happy (like finding the man of my dreams who will love me all the days) then the least I can do is grab myself a salted caramel Ben & Jerry's because I know that it gives me that temporary boost I can count on. Depression can be a real rational thinking process killer...
Giving up looks like this: I'm a 30 year old, 65in tall woman and weigh over 200lbs even though I ran a marathon just last week! Looks like I got the exercise part figured out (I do love that adrenaline rush before a race and at the finish line), but I gave up on the food stuff.
So how about I make a better plan…
Better Plan:
Now, this one is tough because I feel like I've tried so many things already! Tons, really. I truly believe that everyone is going to have something inside of them that works better for them then someone else. It really is different for everyone. I'm still finding my something. I'm going to try to use plans in the past that have worked for me, but come up with a plan that will hopefully help me stay focused on my goal and not feeling like I'm done before I'm done.
I've been doing lots of reading and studying for as long as I can remember learning how to read books that didn't have pictures in them. In my first read, I learned the importance of complex carbs, avoiding sugar, and avoiding starvation. In another, I learned the importance of lean protein and muscle growth. Later, I discovered the value of balancing carbs and protein together in portioned meals spread throughout. I later learned some contradicting ideas. Tried those ideas out and still don't buy into them so much. Intermittent fasting might be for some, but doesn't work well as a sustainable plan for me. I later learned the value of calorie counting. I lost the most when I implemented MyFitnessPal! And, of course, there is the Paleo plan. This seemed like a terrible idea when I first heard about it. But, I learned while reading "It Starts With Food"that paleo is actually pretty plant based. In fact, if I wanted to go paleo and eat meat sparingly, I could easily do that because there are plenty of plants that have protein and healthy fats that will help sustain me.
I've learned, over the years a little more about myself every time I've taken out these plans for a spin. It's like dating different men. You learn about them, but more importantly, you discover more about yourself what you are really looking for.
I don't know everything but I know I am looking for a plan that empowers me. I am looking for a diet that will not starve me, will feed all the inter working parts of my body but will also feed my soul. Whole30 was against "super stimulating foods" but the problem is, I'm already a food addict so if I don't get my replacement kicks somewhere, I might fall back on my salted caramel B&J's for comfort again. So, yes, its got to be tasty, wholesome, and its got to make me feel satisfied.
Ahh satisfaction…Satisfaction is what I really want. I want to be satisfied with my whole body, mind, and spirit working together as a balanced team.
So, here's the next plan. I am going to do Paleo eating for this 30th year of my life. Am I allowed to go off of it? Yes, but only for special events or days. Going on a cruise would be an example of that. Its a Friday night and my friends want to go out, is not one of those. Birthdays/weddings of very close friends or family, Holidays (not the whole month, just the week of), and Cultural Food night. I was thinking to allow myself one meal or treat per week to help me not feel stressed or restricted. What do you think? Is that too lenient?
Here is my weight goal. I want to weigh 145lbs by my birthday next year. Sooner would be better. So, I was thinking if I stay focused on the weight losing part (which has its own rewards over food) then I may not even want to go off the plan anyway.
Now, I have tried listing all of the reasons to lose weight and reaffirm to myself all of these wonderful things that will come if I accomplish these goals, but that just hasn't worked efficiently. I think part of it is my confidence gets swallowed up when I see that I'm not anywhere close to reaching that goal.
So, I'm going to come up with some extrinsic rewards to just help me stay pumped or excited. I actually got the idea from recorder karate, which I've discovered is a way that helps the students get super pumped about practicing their recorder. They practice songs and at a certain deadline, if they pass the song they get a little belt on their recorder that tells them and the rest of the world around them that they have passed that level!
I'm going to try a level system to get myself pumped for my goals. And, I'm hoping if I get to somehow share with some people around me what level I'm on, it will get me even more excited to share when I've passed on to the next level.
So, here's what I've come up with so far…
The Levels of Weightloss:
Level 1: Reached 190lbs
-You can buy yourself some jewelry (maybe that nice, pretty watch you've been thinking about)
Level II: Reached 180lbs
-Get yourself a pedicure; something bright and draws attention. You've earned that flashy attention!
Level III: Reached 175lbs
-Get a manicure and a pedicure
Level IV: Reached 170lbs
-Buy yourself a new dress or 2!
Level V: Reached 165lbs
-You've earned a new pair of shoes. Perhaps some good trail running shoes!
Level VI: Reached 160lbs
-Set up that vacation in Sedona for a night or 2!
Level VII: Reached 155lbs
-Get your hair treated and styled and buy 3 new dresses/outfits
Level VIII: Reached 150lbs
-You're doing awesome! Get a new swimsuit or 2, and take a spa day (massage)
Level IX Reached 149lbs
-You're super close! Start looking at trips. Buy a new swimsuit. Sign up for that Disney half marathon!
Level X: Reached 145lbs
-Book your trip to Hawaii!!!
So, what do you think? Leave a comment if you have ideas!
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)