The Frozen Blerch

This morning I went on a hike with Angela. We found our own summit on the mountains behind her neighborhood. It was quite adventurous! While we were out there, we were sharing our trials with food and how we tend to get ourselves worked up before taking on a diet plan. We also will sabotage ourselves, even though we could be off to a really good start with our foods. We'll be feeling really good and then we'll be like, "Well, that was cool. Back to what I'm used to.." 

What's that about? Also, what is the fear about really?

Why am I so against cutting out these foods. It's like that time my ex got so defensive about how he wanted to drink alcohol. I couldn't understand why or how it could be so incredibly important to him. It was clearly putting a wedge between us. But, here I am, letting my unhealthy attachment to some of these poisonous foods put a wedge between my relationship with myself and who I really want to be.

My friend Bryce had never seen Frozen before so we watched it tonight. While we were watching it, I was just realizing how much fear is the enemy. It can keep us frozen and unable to progress and it can keep us from truly being able to feel and experience joy, happiness, and love. So many times it's freezing and debilitating fear that keeps us from making actions at all. 

My doctor said something to me today that really hit me hard. He was explaining my PCOS and obesity could have been attributed to my mother and even her mother. Their choices in overeating foods because they were not as nutritional could have caused hormonal imbalances in the fetus while they were pregnant. But, also their lack of health and wellness could have, over time made it much more challenging for each generation to be at a healthy weight. Then, as we were discussing the pros, cons, and risks to different approaches to helping me overcome potential PCOS and obesity he said, "The most important thing is that you do not continue to do nothing."

I left there, feeling more of a sense of urgency to change. If I don't do it just for me, I need to consider doing it for my future children that I may have some day. 

I ran a mile as fast as I could this evening. It was so challenging, but the most challenging part was making the decision to do it and then sticking to the belief that I would follow through even when my friends were at my house late tonight. I declared it, and I did it. That was a blow against the frozen ice queen in me. I hope I can keep the ice pic coming until the unshakable warmth of certainty and trust sets in.